Until about six months ago, when my phone buzzed with a text message from a name I never expected to see on my screen again: “Do you want to get coffee? I needed to tell him I was sorry, he needed to tell me how much I had hurt him, and we both needed to hug. Sure, he may have technically had more options than me — he was drawn to men and women, while I was only drawn to men — but that didn’t make him any more promiscuous or untrustworthy than the next guy.
And since this week is Bisexual Awareness Week, and I’m feeling sentimental, I’m reflecting on the lessons that relationship taught me, and the ways I learned from him — because my ex-boyfriend was bisexual. The reality was far from it: He was unbearably monogamous and loyal to a fault.
From a practical standpoint, it's unrealistic: bisexual people will have to date a gay or straight person at some point, because there simply aren't that many bisexuals out there (although several recent studies indicate there are more bisexuals around the world than we've previously assumed).
My ex and I had many differences that made us incompatable, but our different orientations were hardly the reason why we split.
In actuality, our orientations slightly overlapped, like Venn diagrams – our relationship existed in the purple area between his bisexual red and my gay blue. I could attempt to rationalize my cheating and say that I did it because I thought that, as a bisexual, he would rebound fast with a girl or hit his (larger) playing field with a vengeance. I cheated because I was horny, and I lied about it because I didn’t want him to know, and by telling him the truth — months after the fact, and long overdue — I hurt him deeply.